Because She Looked Behind her…

Just a song of Gomorrah
I wonder what they did there?
Must of been a bad thing
to get shot down for

I wonder how they blew it up
or if they tore it down
Get out, get out, Mr. Lot
and don’t you look around

Who gave you your orders?
Someone from the sky
I heard a voice inside my head
in the desert wind so dry

I heard a voice telling me to flee
The very same voice I always believe
Said: a lot of trouble coming
but it don’t have to come to you
I’m sparing you so you can tell
the rest what you been through

But don’t you turn around, no
Don’t look after you
It’s not your business how it’s done
You’re lucky to get through

You’re a good upstanding man
A credit to the flock
But if you don’t face straight ahead
You could not take the shock

Blew the city off the map
Left nothing there but fire
The wife of Lot got turned to salt
because she looked behind her

Because she looked behind
Because she looked behind…

                     -Gomorrah by Robert Hunter

Probably not a good idea to look through two huge boxes of old photos, letters, artwork and memorabilia this week. But that is exactly what I did. I drug these two gigantic boxes out of the deepest reaches of a closet I never use… and started digging up the past. There is a reason it is called PAST. Not that there are bad memories at all… on the contrary… but … as they say hindsight is 20/20.  I was kind of stunned at how emotional I got at points reading old letters of past love, looking at pictures of a past life, sometimes you just never know how good you had it until some 20 years later. If I knew then what I know now…

Not sure what prompted it. Some spark of interest.  And it really caused something inside me to wake up from a long dormancy, and add perspective where there was fog for a while. And of course you can never go back… but part of me wishes I never went forward with some things. Leaving some things behind that I should have taken with me or stayed with… (insert Jerry guitar riff from Gomorrah here… ;)

Anyway, I also realized how amazing it is to have PHYSICAL pictures in this digital age where if my hard drive blows up all of my pictures from the last almost ten years are gonzo. Scary stuff. And with the way technology changes constantly I wonder if I will even be able to access all of the pics I have on CD and this HD. In this crazy box I found folders from Fotomat! Remember Fotomat? That little yellow roofed hut in the middle of shopping center parking lots? I am really showing my age now…

I found pictures of grade school.

I also dug out pics of past pets… always tough. I am thinking that maybe I should paint them all in one painting… maybe around a poker table! HA!

The first dog I can remember… appropriately named “Poodle”…

And then of course my first love for a dog that transcended any pet I had known… who blew all preconceived notions of how a toy breed should be, out of the water. I took Mushka aka Mushy (cause she was) across the country with me many times, to Dead shows on tour, and even camping in the Black Hills of South Dakota where she brought me back a deer leg like she caught it herself one morning. I guess a hunter had skinned a deer nearby and she found this leg that was bigger than her, horrifyingly.

And then there was Petey… so crazy wild but so damn cute…

There was also Max, another Lhasa Apso we had that I can not seem to find a picture of… and Tasha a Siberian Husky we had… Snuffy another Lhasa we had…I will have to add them to the poker game. I also have a few cats I will need to add to the table as well.

And of course Cody will be the dealer… the overseer who watches everything and follows everyone with his eyes. Who sat next to me for hours on end watching me dig through the boxes… smelling the mustiness of old pictures and coin purses from Hong Kong circa 1987… and who no matter what never leaves my side. The yin and yang of past and present certainly not lost on me.

So I guess the moral of the story is to appreciate the day… sort of like my last post. Maybe it is still Michael who is affecting me with his ability to live in the moment and appreciate the things you have around you while you have them. Not sure… but the other moral of the story is to take lots of pictures so that 20 years later, you can look back and smile sweetly, or bitter sweetly… and remember your path…

 

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~ by Michelle Sammartino-Zeto on April 5, 2012.

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