Ups and Downs…

Cody is doing great. It is amazing that he is feeling as good as he seems. It has been a week since the last big dose and although he looks a little peaked, he is acting his normal self. He definitely looks a bit sallow. His face tends to get a sunken in look to it when he does not feel well. BUT… no puking, no weirdness. He is eating like the small horse that he is and all plumbing is in full working order. I have been cheating his diet a bit to try to keep his weight up and keep his stomach acid down by giving him some natural organic dog bones I found in the pet store. He LOVES them! What a treat for him, it has been few and far between that he gets any carbs in the last year and a half. For those that have forgotten or did not read the post early on about carbs and cancer, carbs turn to sugar and sugar feeds cancer. So no carbs for the boy. Well… we are having an exception to that rule for the reasons I mentioned above, and also because I feel like we are kind of at the point where it will make little difference regardless. I know his cancer has spread, and the chemo has taken the glands down tremendously, but they are still noticeable. It is what it is and there is only so much I can do.

I have not heard a word from the ImmuneFX people or Dr Butzer regarding that treatment. I need to follow up on that. I am not sure I can afford it but I would like the info anyway.

It has been a strange weekend too. A wonderful friend that I grew up with and went to grade and high school with passed on Saturday night from Melanoma. It spread rapidly since he was diagnosed in December and the last I had heard he was getting chemo for intestinal cancer. He went quick and I am sure it was quite the battle. He was about two weeks younger than myself… and it really forces a self reevaluation. And some appointments to the Doctor.

I am heartbroken over the loss. He was a sweet guy with an amazing smile that lit up his whole face and the room around him. He leaves three kids, a wife and a family that loved him as much as we schoolmates did. I feel very far away from my home town right now and it makes me consider relocating back to be closer. I will be missing the services and the gathering of friends and family this weekend and that in and of itself makes me even sadder.

This all comes on the heels of a very strange lunch I had with someone who clearly despises me and my family after years of my going out of my way to help her and hers. It is amazing to me that someone can seethe so much hatred without saying as much. This has been an ongoing thing with her and I will allow her to remain anonymous for privacy, but it is an awful feeling to know that there is nothing I could ever do correctly for her. And after this weekend I do not wish to any longer. It is almost like she sealed the deal for me and I released the desire within myself to try to please her at all. The lunch was meant to include her, show her she was wanted and celebrated and she successfully turned what should have been a nice time, into Hell On Earth.  I got nasty remarks on everything I said, eyes rolled at me as if I could not see it, smart ass comments under her breath and a general attitude that her time could have been better spent anywhere else but here. I have done nothing to deserve the way she views and treats me and my family, in fact just the opposite. I have honestly gone above and beyond for her and her family to the point of self sacrifice both financial and emotional as well as time investment, only to be scorned, rejected and lashed out upon. I am done. Another reason to consider moving back to Pennsylvania to be around folks that do care, it is clear this is not a reason to stick it out here.

I mention this because I am struggling right now. This month has proven to be a truly rough one with Cody’s chemo bills hitting twice in the same month, some unexpected hits and my hours being reduced to almost nothing at work. Paintings have slowed down and I am pounding the pavement now trying to find something more to focus my time into.

But then the light at the end of the tunnel was on Monday morning when my new niece came into the world at 8lbs 5oz and 20 inches long… little Elise. Her big sister Ella is my Goddaughter and niece and I am happy say she is just as beautiful as her sister.

Darkness and light. Yin and Yang. Negative and positive. Ups and downs….

Life is a strange ride…

 

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~ by Michelle Sammartino-Zeto on May 15, 2012.

One Response to “Ups and Downs…”

  1. Sorry about your school friend, and congrats on the baby niece. Life has a way of not letting up, huh?

    Glad to hear Cody is rallying. He’s amazing. You both are. Thanks for ending my day on a positive note. Smooch that doggie for me.

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